The best one-liner Christmas cracker jokes

December 23, 2011
Author: Hannah


No Christmas day would be complete without crackers – and the shared groan around the table when the terrible jokes are read out.

Apparently crackers haven’t always been about bad puns and one-liners. The first Christmas crackers, in the mid-1800s, included a hand-written love motto. Later on they included verse by famous poets such as Shakespeare, Wordsworth, as well as humorous rhymes and couplets from the top writers of the day.

Row of Christmas crackers

But in true homage to the one-liners and puns, here are the team’s favourite Christmas jokes. We’ve even managed to find some garden-related ones for you. Have a read and let us know your favourite Christmas jokes!

  1. Why does Santa have three gardens?
    So he can 'ho ho ho'
  2. What did Father Christmas say to his wife when he looked out of the window?
    Looks like reindeer
  3. What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?
    It's Christmas, Eve
  4. What happens if you eat too many Christmas decorations?
    You get tinsel-itis.
  5. What do English teachers call Santa's little helpers?
    Subordinate Clauses
  6. Why is a foot a good Christmas present?
    It makes a great stocking filler
  7. How does King Wenceslas like his pizza?
    Deep and crisp and even
  8. How does an Eskimo fix his house?
    Igloos it together
  9. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
  10. What kind of music do elves like best?
    Wrap music


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9 responses to The best one-liner Christmas cracker jokes

  1. Derek Derekson says:

    Thesesare not ONE liners. They are TWO liners. Can't you lot count??!!!

  2. J. R. Whitaker says:

    I am so tired of people whom don't know the difference between a one line joke and a riddle.
    "A One Line Joke".
    How many lines do you have?

  3. g.r.williams says:

    Bar humbug to both of you , i think they are great , one line or two ..who cares.... they are fun :)

  4. cumulative says:

    best jokes ever
    bah humbugs heres 1 4 u bar humbugs two snowmen are standing next 2 each other 1 says for sum reason i seem to always smell carrot

  5. Pingback: Top five best Christmas jokes of all time |

  6. Jesy Nelson says:

    I agree with the last 2 they where great, it doesn't matter how many lines there as long as you enjoy them. I laughed for a few of them but I hope the first two still liked one or two of them!!!

  7. Lana says:

    I agree with the first two. Sure these two-line riddles might be half decent, but it's misleading for everyone to claim they have one-line puns when they actually have multi- line riddles. I'm tired of being drawn in by false claims. "We wish ewe a Merry Christmas" is a one- line pun; these are jokes/riddles.

  8. Jay says:

    nice is very nice (;

  9. Rudolph says:

    These are awful please add puns so I can use them on my friends to seem original and interesting/cool.

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