Cartoon of the den building kids playing at Eden

Den Laws

Very Important Rules!

1. Your den should not be recognised as a den. If an adult were to walk past it, he or she should think it was a pile of twigs or a bush and should carry on walking.

2. If they were to recognise your den as a den, the entrance should be too small or prickly for them to enter.

3. If the adult in question is particularly thin or determined, and they actually get into your den, they should be made to pay a high forfeit. Suggestions for forfeits are as follows...

a) They must build a raft from found materials and sail down a river or in a harbour wearing an outfit of your choice.

b) They must build their own den, or a den from memory a long way from yours. They must then invite you and your friends into it for hot chocolate and toasted marshmallows. They MUST NOT be allowed to sing around the camp fire.

c) They must be sworn to secrecy on the location of your den, and must not be allowed to go on about how much better their dens were when they were little. If they do, they must give you more pocket money.

4. You must lobby the Prime-Minster and insist that he or she instigates a National Den Building Week. You must demand that all parks, woods, village greens, beaches, backyards, tiny scraps of scrub behind fences be given over to den building immediately. You should start right here right now by sending in your den ideas, designs, secret maps with code names.

5. Your den can be made out of anything as long as no animal, plant or human is harmed. They should be outside, but practise dens when wet can be constructed inside. Suggested materials for this are:

a) Ironing boards or clothes horses

b) Sheets and duvets

c) Grannies old tights (for lashing)

d) Clean boxer shorts make ideal flags to indicate den location

e) Chocolate

f) Biscuits

g) Broom handles

h) Large cardboard box

Insist on sleeping inside the indoors den, and eating all meals within it. If you are refused, threaten to take up the recorder instead and learn “London’s Burning” This should do the trick. Indoors dens are very good practise for the Real McCoy outside.

6. Your den can be any shape as long as it stands up and you can get in it. Popular décor items are: old saucepans, kettles, moss sofas, leaf carpets, bone chandeliers, broken clocks. Pink items are allowed, but only inside, as pink is a beacon to rival den builders and comfort seekers.

7. Some famous Den Builders are: Robinson Crusoe, Tarzan, Hansel and Gretel, Winnie the Pooh and Piglet, Badgers, Otters, Me.

My den was made of a giant windsock which landed in our garden and a fallen tree. Me and the Puckey Gang found a stash of Fray Bentos Corned beef in a deserted caravan, so we ate that at all our meetings. Meaty Toms, the butcher's son had a rival den, and they boasted about the real sausages they ate in theirs. We found out later his mum had cooked them for him, so they didn’t count.

8. Last rule, but very important. If your parents or any relative insist on helping you to build your den, blindfold them and only remove it on arrival to the secret den location. Use them as slave labour, remember, you are the architect, not them. Believe me, they WILL regress to your age or younger and sulk if they do not get their way.

9. Good luck!

P.S Any more rule suggestions welcome. The above are only the tip of the iceberg.

By Anna. 51 year old former and present Den Builder

Den Laws

Very Important Rules!

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